Wow... I still cannot believe the last time I wrote something here was 10 years ago... 

I think I may just have to start up again... 

I really didn't think about or realized how much I have missed it.  Writing is cathartic, it brings back memories, good and bad, regardless if it is rambling on with a bunch of nonsense, or if you have something important you want to say.  So here it starts... let's see what happens this time!    

The "line"

Attending funerals is probably one of the more difficult things a person has to deal with in their life… Unfortunately for me, I have been attending funerals since I was a little kid.  It started with my Grandfather, Aunts and uncles, Nonna, Dad, Paternal Grandmother, Godfather, and many other family members and some friends. I have already been to 2 of them this year.  It doesn’t get any easier… Ever. 

Last week as I was sitting at my cousin’s funeral, something was said that caught my attention.   There were many random thoughts going through my head to keep from crying,  as Msgr. M. was in the middle of giving his mass, and he told us; “it comes down to the "line" between the date you are born and the date you die - how are you going to live that "line?”

The "line" between the date you are born and the date you die is life and how you live it… It made me think; what kind of eulogy would be given at my funeral?  Would they say “she loved to laugh and her laugh was infectious” or “she lived her life to the fullest”?  What would my “line” say…  I guess that would be a better question.   

I am inspired by that comment and I have been thinking about it for days… I not only want to be content with the way I lived my “line”, but I also want to make my loved ones proud about the way my “line” was lived.  

I will be concentrating on that from now on…. So look out “line”  here I come! How are you going to live your "line"????

Good or Evil... you decide

What do you do when every bone in your body tells you that someone is no good?  Do you share your feelings, keep it to yourself, watch and learn, or do you just wait, sit back and let the shit storm begin?

In this particular instance, I did a little bit of all of them.  I shared my feelings with friends and family and the comments I received were not always nice… a couple of people stated that my observations were warranted. On the other hand, I was told by some that I was being bitter, jealous and that I needed to relax and to get over it and not let it bother me.  Well my observations were validated over the last few weeks; I am happy to know that my intuition was spot on and I can still be a good judge of character.  Damn good.  

Looking back, I had been exposed to evil years earlier and it was in the form of an abusive relationship… I also learned that what didn’t kill me, made me stronger; totally cliché but so true.  Truthfully, those rough few years made me hone my skills and see people for who they truly are… good or evil.  

Evil may be a harsh word, but I think certain actions are just that… for instance; not complying to a dying persons wish, when all they need to do is bring their infant to visit them, especially when they had been asked to do so repeatedly.  It makes me want to scream… “It is not about you, and you need to realize that.”  But to keep peace, I don’t.   

I have a feeling that things will come to a head this week, because it has nowhere to go and I am absolutely fed up with tiptoe-ing around as not to anger anyone or to stir the pot… well my wooden spoon is at the ready, let the pot stirring begin.   

3-4 months

I am mentally and physically exhausted and need a break...
I believe somewhere tropical will do the trick, 3-4 months will be fine. 

The end. 

you gotta live to learn

you gotta crash and burn

you gotta make some stances

and take some chances

you gotta live and love

and take all life has to give

you gotta live and learn

so you can learn to live





I absolutely love this...

Trifecta!!

It is a rare day when something I see, or hear doesn’t remind me in some way of my dad. It could be something as simple as the warm sun on my skin, the breeze in the air, the start of baseball season, even something funny or lame as the dude or dudette that can’t figure out how to merge onto the freeway to save his/her soul! (you all know the person I’m talking about) ;o)

This brings me to why I am writing this post, it is something my dad used to say to me when I was a young girl… He would say to me “Now Honey, all I want is for you to be happy, and I want you to find someone who loves you just as much as you love them… and for god sakes child; if you learn nothing else in life, learn how to merge!”

Some of you that read this never had the pleasure of knowing my dad but you would have gotten a kick out of him... he was loving, funny, and one of the most genuine, larger than life personalities you had ever met.

I like to think that I get a lot of my quirkiness from him, such as my all time hatred for stickiness (oh yes, thanks to my Dads sweet tooth!) my curly hair, and my sarchastic sense of humor...or so my mom says. Ha ha ha! This makes me laugh to no end.
So even now that he is gone, he is still with me everyday!!

Well dad, your little girl has hit the trifecta... she is damn happy, she is loved just as much as she loves, and she can merge like a fricken mad woman!


Love you Dad!!!

Pity Party

Today has been a bit of a roller coaster... when it started, it was good... there was laughter, a bit of nostalgia, and then; a total breakdown....

Some of you know my Guam cellphone story; (I won't go into it now, lets just say it was not good) today's breakdown was sort of like that, although, not in public thank God. Here is how it all started...

I couldn't figure out an excel spreadsheet, yeah, a damn spreadsheet set me off. Go figure!
so what did I do... I broke down in tears, not just any tears, full on sobbing, snot running down my face, gasping for air, kind of tears. The kind of crying that makes you gag yourself and almost throw up. Oh yeah, that was me. 100% fit for a strait jacket!

It would have been OK if I was alone... but I wasn't. My poor coworker was there to witness the whole thing. Oh yes, she looked at me like I had a third arm growing out of the top of my head. nothing is more humbling then the look of pity someone shows you when she hands you a napkin and says "ummm you have a little something" and points to their own chin to try and tell you you have either drool or snot on yours. Oh good God I was a mess...

After about 10 minutes I calmed down... I felt better and realized that what I needed to do was just let it out. The frustration is lessened, and hopefully the hurt, anger and sadness will lessen with time as well... it just took a silly spreadsheet to do it.

I am just so glad that I have a husband that loves me unconditionally and some of the best friends in the entire world!!! I love each and every one of you!!! I am now looking for a new motivator... that doesn't involve large amounts of ice cream, cake, red wine or chocolate, I promise... ;o)
I will keep you posted...